Introducing FaceFi™: A Skincare Suite for Crypto Natives
Dear Bankless Nation,
In January, I took a leave of absence from Bankless. The stress of crypto had finally caught up with me.
When I started to see bags under my eyes, wrinkles on my face, and the loss of my youthful glow, I knew I needed a break to focus on something else.
I’ve gone to great lengths to preserve my youthful complexion. People are always shocked when they learn how old I am. Yes, I’m the oldest person they know in crypto. Yes, even older than Kain Warwick (who my co-host beat up, by the way).
I’ve survived three full crypto market cycles without looking a day over 30, and I'm not about to let that change. This is why today, I’m proud to unveil the newest Bankless product line: FaceFi™.
For this launch, I partnered with some of the crypto community's most dewy-faced founders to bring their home remedies to a mass market permissionless rejuvenation suite.
Meet the first season of FaceFi's multi-layer skincare stack and read some early reviews from their most passionate beta testers.
Stay hydrated. Stay decentralized. Stay beautiful.
— Ryan Sean Adams, Founder of FaceFi™
The Original FaceFi™ Serum
◼ Permissionless facial rejuvenation.
"Finally—a beauty protocol that respects the ethos of decentralization.
FaceFi™ isn’t just a serum. It’s an entire multi-layer skincare stack. Built on self-custody, anti-aging, and zero middlemen between you and your glow.
The formula deploys instantly, with rejuvenation outputs optimized by a novel consensus mechanism: Proof-of-Hydration.
I’ve layered it with LPeeling™ and Impermanent Gloss™ to completely rearchitect my skincare routine.
TL;DR: My pores are sovereign. My glow is uncensorable. My routine is permissionless."
— @glowchain_maxi (regen skin, degen soul)
LPeeling™
◼ Prevent surface-level impermanent loss.
"As someone who’s spent the last 6 years thinking about liquidity, I never realized how illiquid my face had become.
LPeeling™ changed that.
The formula uses a constant hydration product (CHP) curve to gently exfoliate dead skin while providing deep, non-custodial moisture. It’s like an AMM for your pores—routing glow from where you don’t need it to where you do, automatically.
What I love most is that it prevents impermanent loss... of radiance. This isn’t just skincare. It’s a facial liquidity protocol.
Highly recommend pairing it with FaceFi™ and letting the yield on your youth compound."
— @haydenzadams (Creator of Uniswap)
Vance Spencer’s Max Vol Conditioner™
◼ Optimized for volume and volatility.
"In the world of DeFi, managing volatility is key. The same applies to hair care.
Max Vol Conditioner™ delivers unparalleled volume and resilience. It mirrors decentralized finance: providing liquidity where needed, ensuring stability amidst stressors, and promoting growth without compromising structure."
— @pythianism (Vance Spencer, Co-Founder of Framework Ventures)
Impermanent Gloss™
◼ Because liquidity fades (but not this).
"Okay, so Impermanent Gloss™ just dropped and we have thoughts.
First of all: the branding? Unfair. 'Because liquidity fades (but not this)'??? We screamed. It’s giving bear market optimism. It’s giving 'I sold the top but emotionally I’m still down bad.'
This gloss is the opposite of your favorite altcoin: it actually sticks. It survived a governance happy hour and a monologue about EigenLayer.
If 'exit liquidity, but make it hot' were a product, it’d be this.
Permissionless beauty. Frictionless glow. No centralized intermediary between you and the slay.
10/10 would LP again. ✨"
Kwonfidence Cream™
◼ Keeps your face smug, even post-explosion.
"By my hand - wrinkles will die.
I built Kwonfidence Cream™ to be the most ambitious facial product in human history. A fully algorithmic moisturizer designed to maintain hydration parity under any conditions—be it harsh winds, extradition orders, or a $60B reputational collapse.
Backed not by collagen but by belief.
I’ve stress-tested it across multiple jurisdictions. My skin stayed radiant, proving beauty is composable.
Is it perfect? No. But it is inevitable. Apply liberally. Remain arrogant. And if things collapse… just deploy more Kwonfidence.”
— @stablekwon (Do Kwon, Founder of TerraGlow Labs)
hAirdrops™
◼ Volume you didn’t know you qualified for.
"I woke up one morning, and it was just... there. In my wallet. In my shower. In my hair.
hAirdrops™ is the first conditioner you earn, not buy. The formula detects your on-chain grooming history and drops follicular liquidity straight to your scalp. No opt-in required.
What I love most is the randomness. Some days, I get sleek hydration. Other days? Full degen curls. It’s like an RNG hair protocol, but my roots always win.
— @airdroplord420
Vitalik's Blood Boy Serum™
◼ Harvested from onchain-verified donors aged 18–22.
"Honestly wasn’t expecting it to work. I just applied a few drops of Blood Boy Serum after my morning regen meditation, and within minutes, my skin went full EIP-1559—burning off dullness, replacing it with ultrasound smoothness.
By week two, I had full Ethereum Finality in my T-zone. I walked into Devconnect and got mistaken for a Solana founder.
The serum is thick but not greasy—like a freshly bridged asset. My partner said I was glowing like a multisig wallet with quorum.
Not cheap, but neither is vitality. 10/10 would stake again."
— @PilledAndHydrated.eth
